...chronicles of an ex...

ex n
- the letter x. (That one variable you use in algebra that people always try to figure out :-P)
- to delete or cross out.
- a former spouse or partner

I am an ex. Most of the present partners of my exes either tries so hard to befriend me (or stalk if I may dare to say so) or totally tries to erase me from their boyfriend's life. I usually dont understand why an ex is seen as a threat to the present. After all, the only role that I'm going to be in their boyfriend's life is a memory. And we have shared a meaningful piece of our lives together during our time, which I don't think you will be able to set aside just like that. So it wouldn't hurt if exes still stay as friends.. right?


I never understood the feeling until I was in that very situation. I love someone.. He has an ex (which he stays very good friends with)... and for the first time in my entire life, I felt weird about it. My belief about "staying friends with an ex" was greatly compromised and shaken. I have never felt so jealous in my life. A simple (harmless and friendly) conversation that would not normally mean anything to me, suddenly becomes a big deal. Memories of them together stings like hell (photos, SMS, letters, songs, and the likes). I've been so paranoid, so praning about everything that I oftentimes lose my sense of reason. Who would have thought that a year ago, I was furious with my ex-boyps current monster gf (sorry, evil alert) when she didnt want me to stay friends nor have any communication with my ex. I mean, what the eff!? I am a part of his life, and nothing, not even you, can change that!

I am a proud person. And sometimes, I dont want to contradict the things that I have always believed in. I have tried different reasons to convince myself that there's nothing to feel bad about. She's an ex, and she will always ought to be that way.. Their book has ended and it'll be forever close..."

...and no... it didnt work... No matter how persuasive I perceive myself to be. Talk about a major oxymoron.

I am having trust issues. Protective? I would say yes. Over doing it? Probably. Who knows what an old flame can do, agree? But when you're in a whirlwind romance, you wouldn't want to let go of that one person whom you won't need to have pretentions with. I was just plain, boisterous, loud and crazy whenever I am with him. With that overwhelming feeling, you just want to let the whole world know he has you! Wala nalang eepal...

I know I owe it greatly to myself to find my own security.. to get over whatever issues I have with the ex... but it still takes two to tango. I know it is not possible to do it on my own. Two things can happen if I do that. Either I give up and move on or be numb, and totally suppress whatever negative feeling I have and develop it into hatred... neither of the two seems like a good option for me to go for. Because when that happens, no matter how much he means to me, one can only take on so much... and when that time comes, you'll realize that love isn't always enough...