...confessions of a bratinella...

Blog on Mobile

2010-10-08T09:21:00.001+08:00

woot!

just downloaded an app that will allow me to post my musings while I am on the move ;) cool eh?

Anywho, I am prepping to go to work so if anything comes up and I will not forget about this cool app, I will post it here and let you know ü

Toodles!

A Year Wiser

2010-07-28T20:56:00.002+08:00

Another year to be thankful for. :)

They don't care if I only had a 3-hour sleep... They don't care if I was in my zombie mode... My housemates woke me up @12mn with a cake, a "Happy Birthday" song and a bouquet. And I'm glad they didn't give a damn :)

I may not have the riches in world, but having a great family, bundled with fantabulous set of friends and an incredible boyfie makes this life awesome! \m/

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. -- Oprah Winfrey

...and so it begins!

2010-07-12T01:58:00.000+08:00

It is getting tighter and tighter. I tried to push a bit further so I can slide into it smoothly, but my efforts were futile. I took the dress off upon seeing those bulges. I scoured my dresser for anything that will still fit me nicely. And then I decided to put on a rugged pair of jeans and an over-sized tee. Again.

That's it. I hate seeing myself unable to fit into clothes that I barely wear.

That's it. This is the beginning of my personal challenge (and my friends' challenge to me as well ;)) ). I have 5 months to trim down and fit into those clothes again (without compromising my eating habits that much). I have 5 months to be able to fit into those sleeveless and tube tops without looking like Michelin :D

Goodbye calories!

Think positive! Wag kang aayaw! woot!

Liham

2010-05-20T19:05:00.001+08:00

Mahal kong Bakasyon,
Kamusta ka na? Kamusta ang pamamalagi mo kapiling ng ilang kaibigan at kapamilya? For sure, tuwang tuwa sila nung makapiling ka nila. At ngayong malapit ka na ulit lumisan, ang mga alaala na iyong iniwan sa kanila ay isa nanamang testamento na hindi nasayang ang pera at oras na inilaan nila para sa iyo. Ibang klase ka kasi bumisita, umulan man o bumagyo, hindi ito magiging hadlang para dumating ka! Ika nga, kung gusto, parating may paraan. Kung ayaw, dumadahilan (minsan, nagmama OA lang).

Kaya naman ako lumiham sa iyo ay dahil hindi ko na maitago ang excitement ko para makapiling ka ulit. Aba! Ilang buwan na din ang nakakalipas nung huli kitang nakapiling. At hindi ako makapaniwala na ilang linggo nalang, darating ka na ulit. :) Marami nanaman tayong pagsasamahan na hindi kailanman kayang higitan kapag si Trabaho ang kasama ko. KJ si Trabaho eh. Control freak paminsan. Gusto niya, lahat ng oras, ilalaan sa kanya. Buti nalang ay napakiusapan ko siya na panahon na para maglaan ako ng oras para sa iyo. Hindi ko lang talaga maaring iwanan si Trabaho, kasi isa din siyang mahalagang parte ng buhay ko. Dapat balanse lang. Pero buti pa ikaw, naiintinidihan mo yun. Hindi ka kasing demanding ni Trabaho.

Anyway, ilang araw nalang naman, magkakasama na naman tayo ulit kasama ang ating mga kaibigan :) Sana mas madalas kang mapadaan no? Mas masaya siguro kung parati kang andiyan. Kasi pag andiyan ka, nakakasalamuha ko ang mga kaibigan natin, ang mga kapamilya natin. Chillax parati.

Hanggang dito nalang muna ang aking munting liham. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na lagi kitang iniisip. Walang araw na hindi ko inasam ang iyong pagbabalik. Nawa'y sa muli nating pagkikita, nakangiti din ang araw at kumikislap ang mga bituin.

Nagmamahal,
pilyamaldita

Closure

2010-05-12T17:19:00.002+08:00

Madalas natin marinig ito sa halos lahat ng aspeto sa buhay ng isang tao. Karamihan sa atin, kailangan ng closure sa isang bagay para tuluyan na maka move on. Mayroon namang mangilan ngilan na hindi nila kailangan talaga ng closure para magmove on. Pero mangilan ngilan lang ang kilala kong ganito. Karamihan sa atin, gusto natin ng sagot. Karamihan sa atin, kapag may isang bagay na nangyari, laging may kasunod na "Bakit?". At for sure, madadagdagan pa yun ng sandamakmak na follow up questions. Human nature.

Pero hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon, makakakuha ka ng sagot sa mga tanong mo. Hindi lahat ng tao ay pinapalad na mabigyan ng closure na hinahangad nila, no matter how deserving they seem to be. Para sakin, it's just right to give that person the peace that he deserves, pero unfortunately, that don't happen all the time. Dahil dito, nagiging clingy tayo sa past issues. Nagkakaron ng insecurity build up, nakukulong tayo sa kahapon at napapalampas natin ang mga magagandang bagay na iniooffer ng kasalukuyan at ng hinaharap. Madami tayong namimiss at madami tayong hindi naappreciate.

Unnecessary stress. Nakakapangit. Kailangan mo ikondisyon ang sarili mong tanggapin ang mga bagay na walang kasagutan. Kung mayroon sa mga ito na masagot balang araw, magpasalamat ka. Kung hindi man ipagkaloob sayo, wag mo nang pagurin ang sarili mong isipin pa kung ano iyon. Dahil hindi naman dapat diktahan ng mga nakalipas ang mga pwede at kaya mong gawin sa buhay. You yourself is the captain of your own ship. Ikaw dapat ang magdesisyon para sa sarili mo kung saan ka patungo. Huwag ka nang dumepende sa ibang tao para makapagbigay ng katahimikan sa sarili mong pagiisip. Siguro naman, you yourself deserve that. Kaya mo yun ibigay sa sarili mo, kung gugustuhin mo.

Sige, nasaktan ka. Hindi mo matanggap. Oo sige, understandable na gusto mong tanungin ang lahat ng mga anito bakit ikaw pa. Bakit ka nasasaktan ng ganyan. Oo, forgivable yan. Iyakan mo ng todo. Magpakastress ka. Pero lagyan mo ng limitasyon ang sarili mong stress. Dapat hanggang sa isang punto ka lang. Pag napagdesisyonan mo nang "Enough na! para na kong loka loka", eh move forward na kapatid. At pag nagmove forward ka na, siguraduhin mong hindi yun temporary cockaigne ha. Dapat for good yun. Dapat reach for your goal na. Kung ano man ang nasa past, tapos na yun. Mahirap yun gawin. Hindi yun isang walk in the park. Pero hindi din yun imposible. At higit sa lahat, kailangan mo yun.

Isipin mo nalang na closure is something that you owe yourself and not something that other people owes you. It ended because hindi na siya bagay sa buhay mo. And the moment you'll be able to accept this fact, that's the time you'll see that you are beautiful and your life is awesome :)

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." - Anais Nin

2010-05-07T11:08:00.002+08:00

Isa akong frustrated writer. Bata palang ako, mahilig na akong magbasa at magsulat ng mga bagay bagay at malikot na ang imahinasyon ko (Creative mind, wholesome :D)

Pero bumagsak ako sa mundo ng Information Technology. Nagsimula ako bilang isang aliping saguiguilid sa aming proyekto. Pinagdaanan ang build phase, unit testing, sandamakmak na change requests at kung anu anong defect. Naranasan ko na maging scrap out ang isang module at naranasan ko na malabo ang mga requirements. Pero after all those moments, mararamdaman mo naman ang satisfaction na maganda ang iyong naging output dahil matutuwa ang client mo sa ginawa ninyo. Buong giliw mong maipagmamalaki na "High performance, delivered!"

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(2 days ago ko pa sinimulan ang intro ng blog ko)
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07 May ... ang katuloy

...So ayun, natambakan ako ng trabaho kaya naputol ang pagsusulat ko :D as I was saying, isa padin naman akong project slave until now. At paminsan minsan lang din magkaron ng balita na may kinalaman sa field na alam ko na big deal sa buong bansa. Automated Elections. Ang gandang pakinggan. Parang maunlad na maunlad ang bansa ko.

Kamakailan ko lang nalaman kung ano talaga exactly ang isasama sa pagauautomate (Sorry, paminsan may pagkaignorante akong nilalang). Manual padin ang pagsusulat ng boto, ang iautomate lang eh yung pagbibilang ng boto. So okay, malinaw tayo sa objective.

5 days before the Election, i-seal na dapat nila yung mga machines *drum roll please* lo and behold... mali ang bilang. 5 days before the election, ni-recall lahat ng mga Compact Flash na gagamitin para sa election. 5 days BEFORE... amazing...

Sabi nila, nagbago daw kasi yung format nung ballot na babasahin nung machine, kaya nagkandamali mali na yung bilang. Haller, ang masasabi ko lang diyan, ang isang simpleng software na ginagawa para sa isang client na ang company lang niya ang makikinabang eh sandamakmak na tests ang dinadaanan... eto pa kayang nakasalalay ang kapakanan ng buong bansa mo? Kung nagbago man ang ballots na gagamitin, hindi bat nararapat lamang na informed ang parehong partido sa pagbabagong ito? Parang susi at padlock lang yan eh. Pag pinalitan mo ang hulma ng susi mo, hindi ba't kailangan mo din palitan ang padlock? Kapag nagsukat ka ng damit, at tumaba ka, hindi ba't magaadjust ka ng size ng mga damit mo?

Unfortunately, ganun lang yun kasimple. Hindi siya simpleng trabaho. Pero ganun lang kasimple ang proseso. At one point, before rolling out, dapat nagkaroon sila ng tests using a dummy data, na isisimulate nya na mismo ang ineexpect sa totoong election. Lahat dapat ng exceptional scenarios, nacapture na. Lahat ng errors, nasalo na. So kung nangyari man ang changes after delivering the product, eh di dapat hindi na binago ang ballot? So kung sasabihin mo sakin na "We didn’t expect this to come out, but we are responding on time", isa iyang major bull. Kasi unang una, sa lahat ng oras, dapat inexpect mo na ang failure at dapat nung una palang, namitigate na yun. Hindi siguro kailangan ng response on time. Kailangan ng isang almost error-free system (kung may glitch man, as in negligible lang dapat). But noo... it failed its sole purpose. It counted wrongly.

Wala lang. Hindi ko alam kung anong gustong palabasin ng mga tao sa pangyayaring ito. Lagi nalang bang "hope for the best" ang drama? Tapos pag nagfail, ayun, wala na. Inutil na siya.

And based on experience, lahat ng defects na mamadaliin ayusin at ideploy, mas nasisira :P Just saying :)

PS: Eto pala yung article

Dramahan Eklavu

2010-05-04T19:07:00.001+08:00

Sabi ng isang article na nabasa ko, "Friendship is the foundation of a relationship". Most of the time, I would agree with that statement. Totoo na isang magandang foundation ang friendship to any type of relationship that can be built on top of it. Pero recently, may isang fanpage sa Facebook™ na chumallenge sa paniniwala kong ito.

Napaisip tuloy ako. Okay ba talagang maging friends muna kayo ng magiging boyfriend or girlfriend mo? Kung ganun kasi ang mangyayari tapos isa sa inyo yung tipong pagkabreak eh hindi na kilala ang ex, eh di tinamaan ka na ng 2 bato kaagad. Nawalan ka na ng jowa, nawalan ka pa ng kaibigan. Mas masakit yun diba? Mas mahirap tanggapin. Mas mahirap makamove on. Yung tipong kahapon eh kakamustahin ka niya kung ok ka lang ba, kung hindi ka ba nadapa. Tapos kinabukasan, pag kinumusta mo, ang isasagot sayo eh either "Hu u?" or hindi ka niya rereplyan at all. Awts.

So bakit nga ba may mga pangit na bagay na kailangan umabot sa worse state? Tipong break na nga kayo, kailangan pa magdeadmahan kayo. Tipong nagasgasan ka na nga, kailangan pang kumuha ng blade para sugatan pa lalo tapos bubudburan ng dayap. Awts. Pwede naman na nagbreak kayo, pero friends padin kayo. Hindi ba? Mas okay ba talaga na you'll be a complete stranger to your ex? Mas less complicated ba yun? Siguro sa side nung isa, mas okay nang ganun, para walang friction. Para walang tension. Pero, there's always two sides of the story. Pano naman yung kabila? Hindi na ba pwedeng marinig ang boses niya? Wala na ba siyang say sa "relationship" ninyo, kahit bilang magkaibigan man lang? Siguro naman meron kahit onti. Pwede naman maging civil. Hindi naman porke't naguusap kayo at nagiging civil kayo sa isa't isa ay gusto niyo nang magkabalikan. For old times sake lang kung baga.

Sabi ng ibang friends ko, pag tapos na kasi, tapos na. No more looking back. Oo, tama naman yun. Pero pano yung friendship na pareho din naman kayong naginvest? Na before naman naging kayo, naging magkaibigan din naman muna kayo hindi ba? Ganun nalang yun? Package deal, check mate?

Anyway, to each its own naman yan. May mga taong nagpapahalaga sa mga bagay bagay more than others. Kanya kanyang prinisipyo lang. Walang tama, walang mali. Kung san ka lang kumportable. Reality bites. Awts.

Pilyamaldita™

2010-04-29T17:49:00.000+08:00

Minsan nagtrip ako...

Pacham

2010-04-27T23:26:00.002+08:00

Pacham - a colloquial term i learned during one of our training climbs that stands for PACHAMBA CHAMBA
- a term usually used to refer to a dish being cooked without exactly knowing how to.

Pacham. Eto ang tinatawag namin ngayon sa mga niluluto ko dito sa bahay. Merely because, hindi ko talaga alam kung paano sila lutuin by heart. Mabuti nalang nandiyan ang ever supportive na Mr. Google at madali maghanap ng mga recipes at ang aking mga housemates na nagugustuhan naman nila ang aking niluto for the past 2 nights (or siguro nagiging sensitive lang sila kasi baka hindi na daw ako magluto :P) nyahahahah :D

So far, meron akong 2 ulam na niluto. Sweet & Sour Tilapia kagabi at Paksiw na Pata naman ngayong gabi. Dapat Patatim yung lulutuin ko ngayon pero nung nagsesearch ako ng mga recipes, parang hindi ko maimagine kung anong magiging lasa base dun sa mga recipes na nakasaad. Don't get me wrong, medyo may alam naman ako kahit konti kung paano magluto. Sadyang hindi ko lang talaga tinatandaan kung paano sila kasi may recipe naman eh :D (Excuse ko lang yun, kasi limited nalang daw ang space sa utak ko para magstore ng memory).

Mahirap na masarap pala magluto. Mahirap, lalo na kung gusto mo ng Pinoy Cuisine tapos nasa ibang bansa ka. Mahirap maghanap ng sangkap katulad na lang ng dahon ng laurel (bay leaf), bulaklak ng saging (banana blossoms) at kung anu ano pang spices na usually pag nasa Pinas ka, mabibili mo na sila kina Aling Taling Sari Sari Store. Pero dito, hindi ko malaman kung san ako pupunta, lalo na kung sarado na ang market.

Masarap, lalo na after mo maexpose sa mainit na kusina, eh naappreciate ng mga ipinagluto mo ang inihain mong putahe. Nakakataba ng puso at nakakaenganyo na magluto ulit :D Buti nalang matibay ang tiyan ng mga taste testers ko.

Anyway, nakalimutan kong maglagay ng litrato ng mga niluto ko dito kasi late na ko nattapos magluto, kaya pagkatapos na maghain, hindi ko na naisip na piktyuran ang mga niluto ko. :D

Ayun lang. Hanggang sa susunod na entry.

What makes you, as a Filipino, happy?

2010-04-26T09:58:00.007+08:00

I stumbled on a very simple, yet hard to answer question while reading News updates in FB. I clicked on Mojo's blog link and it got me thinking... How does being a Filipino make me happy?

Ano nga ba? Or should I say, dapat ba akong maging proud of being a Filipino?

My country, is dysfunctional for the past decades. From a foreigner's point of view, it is a ticking time bomb. There are so many things that are not in order. Sabi ng mga kaopisina ko, " Malaysia is less safer than Singapore, but cannot be worse than Philippines, right?". Nakakalungkot man isipin, at mahirap man idigest, pero there's a ring of truth into it.

Graft and Corruption, pollution, crab mentality... These are just some things that make my country ugly. And these are some of the factors that make other Filipinos despise the country they were born in. But not me.

I have said this many times and I would say this over and over again. Sa Pilipinas ko gustong tumanda at magtayo ng pamilya. Babalik at uuwi pa rin ako sa Pilipinas. Bakit?

Because my fellow Filipinos brought me up to a culture I don't see in most nations. Allow me to enumerate.

Respect for elders: No matter how successful you have become in your career, it is intrinsic in most of the Filipinos the respect they have for the elders. The continuous usage of "po" and "opo" has been instilled to us since the first time we started talking. During family reunions, and you have dozens of relatives, you will go around first and pay respect to your Lolo's, Lola's, Tito's and Tita's by "pagmamano". And this respect doesn't end within Filipinos. You will feel the respect even while interacting with other races.

Compassion: Filipinos by nature, are compassionate. I have seen people sharing what they have to others, even if they don't really have much. They provide a support system when things seem to crumble. The offer a flicker of light when everything around you turns dark. They give hope when you have nothing to hold on to. Filipinos overseas could attest to that. A fellow Filipino's smile can give you warmth on a cold winter's day.

Survivor: How many times have we been hit by calamities? How many times have we had our fair share of economic crisis? Countless. But each and everyone of us never gave up. Each and everyone of us rised up from every tribulations that have come and become better people. We perservere, we work harder, we sacrifice. Unending optimism and faith that someday, things will be better. That little by little, our meek country will shine again and show the world what Filipinos are truly made of.

Talent: The Filipinos are very talented. They are flexible and creative. They can work on any type of jobs and excel on them. The dedication and determination to deliver something in its utmost excellence is something that I find in the work that Pinoys do. Most professionals don't settle for mediocrity.

Family: Wherever life will take a Filipino, he will never forget his family. Most Filipinos will have their own "extended" families. From their friends, to their friends' own families. They will look after each other. Their families would remain steadfast even if the rest of the world walks out on them. And, despite how long they have been separated from each other, the bond remains strong and endlessly talk and pick up where they left off...

***

Other than the rich culture and the values intrinsic to Filipinos, another thing that makes me proud is Philippines' natural beauty. The breath taking sceneries, the land and marine biodiversity, will remain unparalleled by anywhere else in the world. I have seen some parts of the Philippines in different perspectives (high up in the mountain or down below the sea) and I always fall in love with it.

***

Yes, Philippines may be dysfunctional and can be damaged beyond repair. Despite my country's imperfection, I love my country. And I stand proud to say (more than happy) that I am a Filipino. Sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa.

Nakakainis. Period.

2010-04-23T16:36:00.003+08:00

Naikwento ng isang friend ko kaninang lunch yung isang CNN report na merong malaking possibility na mag-rupture ang Marikina fault line anytime soon, and a big question of kung ready ba ang Pilipinas sa pagkakataong ito. (Eto ang link kung nais ninyong mapanood) Natahimik ako. Hindi magkamayaw ang utak ko kung pano iprocess lahat ng nagsimulang dumaloy sa isip ko. Pucha, andun ang pamilya ko. Ang mga kaibigan ko. Ang mga mahal sa buhay ng mga taong malalapit sa akin. Dun na ko tinubuan ng kung ano man ang tutubo sakin. At sa nakita ko for the past 26 years ng buhay ko, alam ko na ang sagot sa tanong kung ready ba ang bansa ko sa maaring sumalpok na trahedya sa kanya.

HINDI. Isang malaking HINDI.

Matagal ko na tong pinagiisipan. Alam ng lahat ng tao na kasama ang Pilipinas sa so-called Ring of Fire. Para sa akin, human nature na kung alam mo na mayroong mga paparating na "threat", gagawa at gagawa ka ng paraan para maprevent ito. Kaya nga naibento ang "Prevention is better than Cure" na statement diba? At ever since naman, sa pagkakaalam ko, hindi naman naalis ang Pilipinas sa kinakalagyan niya sa mundo. Nandun na siya eversince. So bakit hanggang ngayon, ilang dekada na ang nakakalipas, ilang bagyo, ilang lindol at ilang el nino na ang dumapo sa Pilipinas, maririnig mo pa din ang bulls*t na excuse na "hindi kasi kami prepared". Anong klaseng preparation ba ang ginagawa ninyo sa walong oras kayong nakaupo sa opisina? Nagfafacebook?

Kung iddrawing ko ang Pilipinas noong panahon nila Andres Bonifacio at Dr. Jose Rizal, ihahalintulad ko ito sa isang magandang dilag. Tahimik, mabango. Katangi-tangi. Pero sa ngayon, daig pa niya si Sisa. Madumi. Magulo. Tagpi tagpi. Kung buhay siguro ang ating mga yumaong bayani, masasabi siguro nila na wasted effort ang kanilang pagaaklas. Sasabihin siguro nila na sana, nagparaya nalang sila na masakop tayo ng mga dayuhan ng tuluyan, baka sakaling mas naging maganda ang kinalabasan. Baka napapakamot na sila ng mga ulo nila ngayon.

Bakit mas maigting ang pagiging selfish ng isang tao? Hindi ba ang government by itself eh "for the people, by the people"? Bakit ang lumalabas ngayon eh, "you suffer while i prosper"? Ano ba tingin nyo sa Pilipino? Mga utu-uto? Tatanga tanga? Ganun po ba ang tingin ninyo sa nasasakupan ninyo? Mabuti pa ang ibang lahi, mataas ang tingin nila sa Pinoy. Ang tingin nila sa Pinoy, maabilidad, maasahan, mapagkakatiwalaan. Pero siguro nga dahil likas na matalino ang Pilipino, iniisihan nya ang ibang tao, yun lang, kapwa Pilipino din niya ito.

Recently, napanood namin yung plastic folder na budget allocation para sa upcoming election. Whopping Php 300+ PER PIECE ang budget nila dito. WOW diba? Kahit yung kikay na folder na matigas na uber ganda ng quality, hindi aabot sa ganito ang plastic folder eh. May swarovski ba yun? Kapag ba pinagamit mo yung folder na yun, magiging literate ka? May special powers ba yun? Eh kung yung inallocate nilang budget dun eh pinagpapagawa nila ng mga sewage system ng Pinas, eh di sana maliit na yung chances na maulit si Pareng Ondoy. Eh kugn sana inaallocate nila yung mga ganung budget sa pagpapaayos ng bulok na sistema sa public works, eh di sana taas noo natin masasabi sa ibang bansa na kaya natin kahit ano pa. Ang hirap kasi, proud lang tayong sabihin na "Pilipinas, kaya natin bumangon pagtapos ng bagyo basta magkakasama tayo" pero hindi natin kayang sabihin na "Pilipinas, kaya natin iwasan anumang bagyo dahil magkakasama tayo".

Konting abilidad lang mga tsong. Katulad ng nabanggit na, madaming magaglaing na Pinoy. Itake advantage ninyo ito. Hihintayin pa ba natin na kainin nalnag ng lupa ang bansa natin, atchaka natin sasabihin na "sana"? Ilang tao pa ba yung kailangan na magsuffer dahil lang sa kawalang konsiderasyon ng ibang tao na walang alam gawin kung hindi manlamang? Gusto ko pang makita ng mga anak ko, apo ko at apo sa tuhod ko kung gaano kaganda ang Pilipinas. Hindi isang lindol o isang bagyo lang ang sisira at babawi nito sa akin. At sa oras na mangyari iyon, lahat ng ipinagdamot ninyo sa mga tao, lulustayin nyo sa ilalim ng lupa. Goodluck sa pagshopping underground.

bata bata, sino iboboto mo?

2010-04-22T17:13:00.005+08:00

Never pa akong nakaboto sa tanang buhay ko, local elections man or national elections. Hindi pa nabahiran ng indelible ink ang daliri ko. Hindi ko pa naranasan magworry na baka mawala o manakaw ang boto ko. Wala kasi akong tiyaga sa mga ganung bagay. Mejo engerks din... In short, hindi ko nagagampanan ang isa sa mga key responsibilities ng pagkaPilipino. At dahil dun, wala akong karapatan na magreklamo kung ano man ang nangyayari sa bansa ko (well, konti lang siguro kasi Tax Payer naman ako eh, hehe).

So last year, sabi ko, since malapit na ang election, sabi ni Jimini Cricket, magreparehistro na daw ako. At para makabawi bawi naman ako ng kaunti, sinama ko ang kapatid ko para magparehistro. So yun, wohooo, natapos ang araw na yun, registered voter na ko! (Kahit after a year or so ko pa daw makukuha ang ID ko)

Pero kung paglalaruan ka ng tadhana, napunta naman ako sa ibang bansa, ilang buwan bago magsimula ang eleksyon. Ayun, panibagong proseso nanaman. Kailangan ko naman daw magregister bilang absentee voter. Eh, hindi ko din alam paano... At wala din akong ganung disiplina para alamin kung paano :D So to make the long story short, hindi nanaman ako makakaboto. Sayang nanaman ang boto ko. Inutil nanaman akong mamamayan.

Pero ganun pa man, concerned padin ako kung ano man ang mangyayari sa botohan, although it would not make any difference siguro. Halos lahat ng kakilala ko, may kaniya kaniyang kandidato. Merong pro-religion, merong pro-masa, meron din namang pro-education, at kung anu ano pang plataporma. Well, gusto kong maging fair sa lahat, so sasabihin ko lang dito kung ano ang nasa isip ko.

Lahat naman siguro ng kumakandidato, may kani-kaniyang intensiyon. Sincere man sila or nanloloko, there's really no way for us to tell. Minsan, mahirap nang ispatan ang isang kasinungalingan, lalo na kung ang pinaguugatan nito ay patong patong nang "kwento". Siyempre, iexpect mo na na ang bawat kandidato, kanya kanyang strategy yan kung pano sila mauuna sa kanilang laban. Hindi pa ba obvious ang "crab mentality"? Hindi ba panahon palang ni Rizal eh ganun na? So siguro hindi enough na basehan ang mga hear say sa bawat tabloid at balita.

Usual din na maririnig mo na "si juan tamad nalang ang iboboto ko para hindi manalo si pedro penduko" Ow men! Pakiisip lang ng mabuti kapatid, boboto ka dahil lang gusto mong ilaglag ang iba? Eh pano pala kung yung taong gusto mong ilaglag ang mas karapatdapat na mamuno kay Inang Pilipinas? Sana kung boboto tayo ng isang Poncio Pilato, eh yung gusto mo na talaga. Yung tipong hindi mo pagsisisihan kapag siya talaga yung nanalo. Yung hindi mo ipagrarally sa EDSA para iimpeach sa pwesto pagkatapos mong iboto at iluklok sa pwesto. Wag ganun, ampeyr yun. Ampeyr yun sa bayan, ampeyr din yun dun sa kandidato.

Napansin ko, kapag nangangandidato ang mga pulitiko, simpatiya ng tao ang kinukuha nila. Parang si kupido, namamana sa puso, bullseye sa emotion ng mga Pilipino. Eh tayong mga pilipino eh likas na simpatiko. I'd give it to them, magaling ang diskarte nila. Sana yung pagkagaling nila, sa tamang paraan nila gagamitin in case na sila ang manalo. Sana yung creativity nila, hindi maging daan para maging tuso sila at maging gahaman sa kapangyarihan at kaperahan (poor na po ang Pilipinas, FYI lang ha...)

Maririnig mo din sa mga tao na dapat maging maigting pa nag pageeducate ng mga tao tungkol sa botohan. Well, ang masasabi ko lang diyan ay it works both ways. Bawat tao naman ay may kani kaniyang priority sa kanilang buhay. Kung gano man ito kababaw o kawalang kwenta sa paningin ng iba, eh priority nila yun, so kailangan respetuhin din natin. Hindi lahat ng edukado, marunong at tama ang binoboto. At hindi din naman lahat ng walang pinagaralan ay mangmang at walang pakialam sa mundo. Sa panahon natin ngayon, hindi estado ang isang tao ang makakapagdikta kung kaya mong magisip. Hindi mo kailangan maging educated para maging matalino. Minsan nga, kung sino pa yung may pinagaralan, siya pa yung walang breeding. Walang modo. Bobo.

Anyway, masyado na akong nagiging madaldal, eh hindi din naman ako makakaboto. Inutil pa din ako sa puntong ito (sorry na:P). Hiling ko lang na sa darating na eleksiyon ay maging mapayapa at malinis na eleksiyon.

*bow*

.chisi.keso.inlababo.

2010-04-19T20:47:00.003+08:00

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

DISCLAIMER: some stuff i got from tumblr. :) kudos to these bloggers :) ganda ng images :)

Takbo! Bilis! Takbo!

2010-04-19T15:57:00.004+08:00

Kakatapos lang ng Run For Water 2010 and despite the scorching heat, natapos ko naman ito ng walang migraine aftermath :D

For the past two runs (and one diving trip), lagi akong minimigraine after the activity kapag sobrang init... and it's not a pretty site... so after the scorcing heat I went through yesterday (my all red face could attest to that!), napaisip tuloy ako bakit ako sumasali sa mga running events na to? In the first place, ang mahal niya ha... Pangalawa, nakakapagod, feeling ko minsan, sasabog na yung baga ko kasi hindi niya na kaya magintake ng sobrang hangin at stressed na stressed na siya. At pangatlo, naiinitan lang ako. Nakakaitim. Nakakahilo.

So bakit nga ba ako nageffort na magjogging sa gabi at gumastos at tumakbo ng takbo?

Simple lang...

Kasi para sakin, isa ito sa mga paraan para makatulong ako sa iba. Oo, madami pang paraan. Pero sa ngayon, eto yung naiisip ko na nakakatulong ako kahit papaano, sa paraang alam ko.

Kasi para sakin, nadidisiplina ko ang sarili ko. Nadidisiplina ko ang sarili ko na abutin kung ano man ang goals ko, at magstrive para maabot ko.

Kasi para sakin, bonding moment ko 'to with the people I love. Nakikilala ko ang mga kaibigan ko, ang boyfriend ko, ang mga tao sa paligid ko.

Kasi para sakin, eto nalang ang form ng exercise na pwede kong gawin after sitting for 'n' hours dahil sa trabaho ko.

Diba simple lang?

Madaming nagsasabi na kaya tumatakbo is dahil "uso". dahil ito ang "in". Well, opinion naman nila yun. Para sakin, gusto ko lang yung ginagawa ko, kahit nahihirapan ako. :)

The Only Exception...

2010-03-16T13:54:00.001+08:00

The Only Exception lyrics

being in love...

2009-10-20T02:00:00.002+08:00

...keeps you wide awake at night the same way it puts you sound asleep...

...makes you cry buckets of tears just as you feel an endless bliss...

...lets you have someone to share your inner self with, similar to having someone to argue petty stuff with...

...gives you a best friend and an enemy all rolled into one...

but what the heck... being in love maybe one of the greatest enigma in one's life, but it is also, by far, one of the best feelings there is... especially when you have the best imperfect person in your life to share that feeling with...

there is no greater joy nor greater sorrow than being in love and staying in love... it's all a hard days work... but it is wonderful nonetheless...

excited

2009-10-19T00:14:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to go to sleep two hours ago... but I can't help but feel excited about seeing tushie in a few days! :)

i'm really looking forward into seeing him again (kahit almost a month palang kami magkahiwalay...)

posting more soon.. :) nytie nyts!

...see you around... (love reitz)

2009-09-23T00:51:00.004+08:00

At this moment, I remember many things: The very first
time I set foot in this company, the time I was rolled into my very first project, the grueling hours we all had to render just to beat the deadline, the time when acquaintances became friends and sometimes, even more than that… the “early bird” perks… the teambuilding activities… those knick knacks and whatchamacallits that made Reitz “Love Reitz”.

Reitz has been the pillar of my career here in Accenture. In its simplest phrase, Reitz has taught me to be: “Whatever you are, be a good one”. Sure, the project is far from being perfect. More often than not, Reitz almost made me lose my sanity (figuratively and literally). And I am guilty of wanting to get rolled off a thousand times… But I have realized that a project is not defined only by the tasks it is expected to deliver, but also the amazing people in it. One of the factors that affect my engagement is the people around me… Reitz has given me more than just a bunch of co-workers, but a second family.

Thank you for everything that each one of you has instilled in my life. Those little patches molded me into who I am right now… And those will always be the things I will carry with me wherever I go.

I will miss our early morning calls, our “healthy discussions” about whose team should make the changes and who should take ownership of a defect raised… The never ending change requests… I will surely look back at those Chili’s, Starbucks, Central and Pioneer Grill moments… I will always be inspired by the joy in everyone’s faces during triumphs and the courage to stand up when failure struck hard… And I will look forward to the next adventure that will make our paths cross once again…

Since I am never good at goodbyes, and trying to do so is futile, when all has been said and done, the last box taped and suitcase zipped closed, all that I have left to say is “Till we meet again…”

With an X and an O… a mixture of joy and sorrow… I have to announce that… this little chick has got to bounce…. So with a hug and a kiss… I’m out like this… ~*~

(photo c/o Daday Pascual)

backissue: random musings...

2009-09-07T04:25:00.004+08:00

it's a weekend... and it's been raining all day... add up a working internet connection and it's a trifecta weekend for me... it sounds geeky i know... but when you can't go out because you might spread sniffles around and had a rough week, trust me, having an internet could be a perfect stress reliever.

well, it's been quite a while since i last posted in here... LOTSA things happened for the past months.. and since I cannot find a decent sleep... let me try to do some reminiscing...

One of my buddies left for Singapore a few weeks before my birthday... I am happy for her but at the same time, saddened by the news... so... our last weekend with her was spent doing... LASER TAG! it was all our first time... i was just a bit disappointed because I thought it was supposed to be played privately, but apparently, you play with different groups of people whom you don't know... overall, it was fun and tiring... :D And then, we headed to MOA for the sendoff aftermath and did what we do best... FOODTRIPPING... we had a lot to eat that day... and it was FULFILLING.. :P

and just when I thought that was it... 4 days before my natal day... my boyfie was sent onshore... it was a tough decision for both of us but we both knew that him going is the altruistic thing to do... it was heartbreaking knowing he won't be here for my birthday and our 1st anniversary (and so i thought..) but things happen for a reason...

so my birthday came... I had dinner with 3 of my buds from work on the eve of my bday... and then kadangdals went over to my place the following night :D there were food everywhere and basically chatted and laughed the night away... and it wasnt bad at all :) I wished tushie was also there but he was there in spirit :-)

a week later... just in time for our 1st Anniversary... I flew to Singapore! :) it was still a busyy week for tushie, but he did spend time with me whenever he could.. It was fun doing the reverse bungee... eating on the river in Clarke Quay... and of course, the wonderful Songs of the Sea.. My visit was also just in time for SG's 44th National Day. :D Another festivity added in my list! thanks to my friendly friends for keeping me sane :)

...and i think that's about it for now coz my alarm just went off so it's time for me to get to work... g'am :)

clowns

2009-04-29T22:02:00.004+08:00

i love making other people smile...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

what do clowns, comedians, and mimes all have in common?

they have the hardest job in the world... they make the world a happier place, by sometimes setting their own bliss aside... they need to keep that exhilaration no matter how melancholic they may be...

and some people are like that... they put up that cheerful aura that says "i am having the greatest day of my life" and nobody notices the sadness they are feeling that often lead to their own demise. they are those pretentious individuals who dont want to become a burden to their already problematic surrounding and hoping that they could help, by just putting a happy face...

these personalities are often seen as fairy god mothers who can wave their wands and everything will magically be okay, or tink who sprays some pixie dust and lets you fly to Neverland... and since they never seem to run out of energy, they are often taken for granted... their needs are often overlooked or appear unimportant to others... thus, the pretentious characters become lonelier, burrowed deeper in grief and desolation... and put on some thicker make-up where they find solace, even if it is just transitory...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

...but sometimes it gets too tiring
that i just find myself looking for someone....
...who could make me smile too...

hottttt weekend

2009-04-19T22:04:00.002+08:00

it's been extremely hot these days... i got tan lines without even exerting an effort going to the beach... my rash has found new places to grow their colonies at... hassle... i love this kind of weather if im out of town... either exploring new places or burrow myself under the depth of the ocean... but budget and time wont allow me to do so as of the moment...

boy, is Frosty so glad he doesnt live here?

and im back :)

2009-04-12T13:06:00.003+08:00

yay im back!

there's so many things to talk about on this hot Sunday afternoon... and it leaves me speechless as i go through my scattered thoughts...

*tapping fingers*

my last entry was sooo gloomy, miserable, sad, and all those depressing synonyms that you could think of. it's a new year... a new life... a new in almost everything.

anyway... the person that i was talking about my last article... we're on our 8th month already ;) 'nuff said :D

i was loaned to another project and was sent "onshore" in Makati when our stint in the beloved "project-ship" has been placed on hold (and nobody can really tell for how long). i developed a love-hate relationship for that commitment... love, because i gained a few people to add in my own quirky circle of trust (hi friend! *sabunot*)... hate, because no matter how much pride a company takes on it people, there are just some people that keeps on barking but isnt really willing to bite... but anywho... this isnt about those people, so let's move on...

after my stint to that "onshore" assignment was over, i was called in for another project... and it would be for a permanent basis...

and now, this is where i am (hmm.. that doesnt seem too much to talk about now that i did :P), 5 months on the run and still counting... to be very very honest... i dont like what im doing... it's not really something that i am very very interested in... but in one of the meetings that i attended in this project, one of the executives said something that knocked me back to my senses... i dont remember everything verbatim but here's the gist:

in all the years that i will spend in a company, not everything that i will be asked to do is something that i would like to devote my time on... it may be crappy, lowly, not-worth-your-precious-time kind of work, but it could be something you needed to learn (in whatever means necessary)...

...and yes, after that speech, i started to like my job a few inch higher than the usual. :)

okay, so i have less weekends to enjoy by myself, with my family or with my loved one... i have weeks where i come to work 10 - 12 days straight without any day-offs.... yes my life suck a bit this time... but i know there are things i will learn from this experience, one way or another... so yes, i started to appreciate (i dont love it... but i apprise it...)... id like to think that something good will come out of this experience (rather than rant and whine about it).

anyway... it's the 2nd month of summer already... but i havent gone to a single summer-friendly place yet... pathetic i know... it takes a lot of courage to keep me here at the moment... but im looking forward to a better vacation soon :)

ciao for now :P

...chronicles of an ex...

2008-05-22T14:41:00.006+08:00

ex n
- the letter x. (That one variable you use in algebra that people always try to figure out :-P)
tr.v.
- to delete or cross out.
n
- a former spouse or partner

I am an ex. Most of the present partners of my exes either tries so hard to befriend me (or stalk if I may dare to say so) or totally tries to erase me from their boyfriend's life. I usually dont understand why an ex is seen as a threat to the present. After all, the only role that I'm going to be in their boyfriend's life is a memory. And we have shared a meaningful piece of our lives together during our time, which I don't think you will be able to set aside just like that. So it wouldn't hurt if exes still stay as friends.. right?

Wrong...

I never understood the feeling until I was in that very situation. I love someone.. He has an ex (which he stays very good friends with)... and for the first time in my entire life, I felt weird about it. My belief about "staying friends with an ex" was greatly compromised and shaken. I have never felt so jealous in my life. A simple (harmless and friendly) conversation that would not normally mean anything to me, suddenly becomes a big deal. Memories of them together stings like hell (photos, SMS, letters, songs, and the likes). I've been so paranoid, so praning about everything that I oftentimes lose my sense of reason. Who would have thought that a year ago, I was furious with my ex-boyps current monster gf (sorry, evil alert) when she didnt want me to stay friends nor have any communication with my ex. I mean, what the eff!? I am a part of his life, and nothing, not even you, can change that!

I am a proud person. And sometimes, I dont want to contradict the things that I have always believed in. I have tried different reasons to convince myself that there's nothing to feel bad about. She's an ex, and she will always ought to be that way.. Their book has ended and it'll be forever close..."

...and no... it didnt work... No matter how persuasive I perceive myself to be. Talk about a major oxymoron.

I am having trust issues. Protective? I would say yes. Over doing it? Probably. Who knows what an old flame can do, agree? But when you're in a whirlwind romance, you wouldn't want to let go of that one person whom you won't need to have pretentions with. I was just plain, boisterous, loud and crazy whenever I am with him. With that overwhelming feeling, you just want to let the whole world know he has you! Wala nalang eepal...

I know I owe it greatly to myself to find my own security.. to get over whatever issues I have with the ex... but it still takes two to tango. I know it is not possible to do it on my own. Two things can happen if I do that. Either I give up and move on or be numb, and totally suppress whatever negative feeling I have and develop it into hatred... neither of the two seems like a good option for me to go for. Because when that happens, no matter how much he means to me, one can only take on so much... and when that time comes, you'll realize that love isn't always enough...

Sonnet XVII

2008-05-15T10:03:00.002+08:00

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-- Pablo Neruda --

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
haay.. i so love this poem... one of the most beautiful ive heard... a perfect depiction that love knows no bounds... love is unconditional... that somehow, somewhere, it does exist...

...just my two cents...

2008-05-05T17:32:00.003+08:00

"tick...tock...tick...tock..."

11:45 PM

She has been twisting and turning on her bed for more than an hour, trying to get some sleep. "Come on! You have to sleep, you still have work tomorrow!", she whispers to herself. She tried to do the old tricks... count sheeps, read a book, listen on her radio, but none seemed to work. She closed her eyes.

She gazed at the clock for the nth time... it's 12:15 in the morning already. Her thoughts still wandering... She had a long day, went home drunk, but still unable to find peace in her own bedroom.

She turned on her iPod and pressed play.

"..so good... when it's good i wanna spend my whole life loving you..."

"Great! Just what I need..." she mumbles. She ran out of things to do... to keep her mind preoccupied. She started asking questions to herself. Questions she herself couldnt seem to answer.

"Does he love me?", yes he does, she responded.
"Will he stay?", a big chance that he would, she answered.
"But why are we like this?", and she couldnt seem to reason out anymore...

She's very easy to fall in love with, and the qualities that she has makes her very hard to forget. She never had to exert any effort with a guy... And once the spark dies down, she's the one who call the shots. She was their 'heartbreaker'.

She never cried over a guy who isnt her boyfriend. She never sacrificed... She was the dominant one... she was in control... until now...

She is officially in love.. with her best friend... She learned to love him for everything that he is...

"He's not your type! Not even close to one..."

..and she loves him for everything he's not...

See, it isnt complicated at all... They're both single. They spend most of their time together doing stuff they both love to do. They're both adventuresome by nature... They both know how to have fun... They both know they're special to each other... They fight, they make up... they compromise... they are buddies... they are partners in crime...

...but they are not a couple...

...and she doesnt get it herself...

Once again, their friends' constant nagging about them becoming an official couple started to ring like a bell. She cannot blame them, after all, they do act like a couple...

*sigh*

"God, why does it have to be this way? I asked for numbers of signs... none of them seem to give a positive feedback... I dont know if that's a 'no' or I have been asking the wrong questions... please..."

She diverted her attention to her iPod...

"i'd just walk out that door... i couldn't take it anymore... i wouldnt put up with what you put me through... if i didnt love you..."

...and then she closed her eyes.

...My Shining Star...

2008-05-02T09:42:00.001+08:00

The way you look at me

The way you touch me

The fire are in your eyes

(I swear) Makes me shivers inside

There's nothing I can do about it

'Cause nothing seems so truth

When I'm beside you

And my dream Of all thing

is all in my hand

Naked, perfect, so beautiful

You turn me up and down

I was spinning round and round

You never get enough, baby you don't

You're a shining star

The way you look at me

The way you touch me

The fire are in your eyes (I swear)

Makes me shivers inside

There's nothing I can do about it

You're my soulmate, my summer and my faith

You fill me up with love

Your kisses are better than wine

There's nothing I want more than you, boy

...of mornings and coffee...

2008-05-02T08:36:00.002+08:00

i wasnt fond of drinking coffee until a three years ago... i can still remember it started with just a tall frappuccino... then a macchiato... then an affogatto... then i realized i am already a caffeine addict... visiting my favorite starbucks almost everyday (which earned me a lot of starbucks planners :P) but come to think of it... if you are the practical one, you will say, their coffees and pastries are highly overrated... more often than not, i will have to agree with you... so what is it that i love the most about being in starbucks?

it has been my routine to pass by Starbucks Cybergate2 (Starbs for the kaladkarins :))almost everyday (unless i'm already really really broke :P ) to give my body a caffeine kick... And this AM isnt any different from those days... When i got down at Cybergate, i was thinking that i had enough expenses for the week, and will have to save (haha! okay.. :P) but my feet brought me back (or is it my longing to get inside the cafe?) to the path where Starbs is located.

okay, my "indulgence" got the best of me. when I got inside, the familiar faces of the baristas (and even the guard) gave their best smiles, greeting me "Good Morning Jewel! Puyat ka no? " then that's when i realized that what made starbucks' coffee great is the people that is in it. ive seen these people eversince starbs opened in the area and no matter which shift they are in, they are in their best, not forgetting to greet you a pleasant day. it's the politeness, the ambiance, the friendship that is built in the place each day.

other than the baristas, starbs has been one of our "tambayan", our meeting point. It's four walls and smoking area were witnesses of all the laughters, the tears, the review sessions, the "merienda breaks", the love stories, the heartbreaks and heartaches, and all those sugar and spice stuff. If starbs were a diary, it would have the story of our friendship.

i am not surprised why starbs is a "great place to linger in" (ahhaha! sounds family??). the "moments" (as we fondly call it) we share together with friends are more than what we pay for. like what Mama Mia said, it's not for the coffee, its for the friends you meet up with. and no matter how "overrated" starbucks may become, no matter how impractical some people may think it is, it will never match the joy that I feel whenever I am in a place that makes me feel at home... :)

...kapag ginulo ka ng pag-ibig...

2008-05-01T12:51:00.003+08:00

Marami kang iniisip, naiisip at gustong isipin. Pero mas gusto mong malaman ng lahat ng tao ang lahat ng kabangagan mo. Wala lang. Magpapansin. Umasang may mag-rereply sa senseless thoughts mo. Mag-advice. Magsabing, "Oo.. naiintindihan kita.." Pero ayos lang sayo kahit di nila basahin to. Bakit pa? Sino ka ba? Nakakadiri. Ayaw mong tuksuhin ka nilang, "yuck!! Ang mushy mo pala!!"

Sa lahat ng kaibigan mong humihingi ng advice tungkol sa pag-ibig, ang sinasabi mo lang palagi, "Tange, kalimutan mo na lang yang nararamdaman mo. Korni mo e. Ang OA mo pa. Guguluhin lang nyan buhay mo." Ang sasabihin pa nila sayo, "Talaga? Buti ka pa, wala kang lovelife. Di ka stressed. Di ka kinakabahan palagi --" "At di ako mukhang tanga."

May na-offend ka na naman. Pero pakialam mo ba sa kanila? Totoo naman a.

Tapos bigla mong mare-realize, may problema ka na rin pala. Hayop talaga. Gusto mong sumigaw. Bakit may nanggugulo na rin ng buhay mo ngayon? Ang dami mong crush, grabe. Yung isang classmate mo sa Math17, isa sa Hum1, dalawa sa Geog1, dalawa sa PE2, isa sa Math100 at isa sa Chem16. Si Mike Bravo ng Maroons, si George Chia ng Blue Eagles, si Kogore ng Shohoku. Si Dao Ming Shi at si Mei Zhuo ng F4. Si Enrique Iglesias. Si Legolas. Si Ron Weasley.

Sixteen. Imagine?

Pero di naman nila ginugulo ang buhay mo.

Ayos lang di ba? Kaso may isang taong di mo maintindihan kung bakit kahit anong gawin mo, talagang ginugulo pa rin niya yung buhay mo. Para siyang mangkukulam. Kahit saan nakikita mo siya. Inalis mo na noon yung pangalan nya sa phone mo. Kaso sinulat mo pa rin yung number nya sa diary mo. Engot ka talaga. Tapos nilagay mo ulit sa cell mo. Tapos inalis mo ulit kase nainis ka. Naihagis mo pa nga sa kama mo yung phone mo e. Tapos naisip mo wala rin namang epekto kung nasa cell mo siya o wala. kaya nilagay mo na lang ulit.

Tapos binura mo na talaga ngayon. Panahon na para kalimutan na talaga sya --- naiisip mo.

Okay na? Hinde. Mas malala.

Na-memorize mo na kase yung number nya. Tsk tsk tsk. Naaawa ka na talaga sa sarili mo.

Naiinis ka pa kapag sinasabi sayo ng mga kaibigan mo, "Nakita ko sha sa A.S. kanina." Asar na asar ka. Sabay sigaw with matching facial_____expression, "PAKEELAM KO?"

At magtatanong sila ng isang tanong na matagal mo nang hinihintay na sagutin sa harap ng maraming tao: à "Baket? Ayaw mo na ba sa kanya?" Tatahimik ka muna. Parang si Lei sa harap ni Tang Chin. Magbubuntung-hininga. Tititigan silang lahat na naghihintay ng sagot mo.

Biglang magkakaron ng split personality disorder, ngingiti at magsasalita: "Sino yon?" Nagandahan ka sa ginawa mo. Effective. Wow, para talagang di na nya kilala. Biglang makikita mo siya. Ayun. Mabubuwisit ka talaga. Maaalala mo yung mga panahong pinagmukha ka niyang tanga. Yung panahong kailangan mo siya. Yung panahong iniwan ka nya sa ere. Yung panahong tinalikuran ka nya.

Masisira ang araw mo. Wala ka sa mood makipagtawanan. Sisigawan mo ang kaibigan mong natapakan ang white rubber shoes mo. Gugustuhin mong balatan ng buhay ang lahat ng taong nagtatanong kung bakit ka wala sa mood. Hihilingin mong mong makapag-teleport ka papuntang Egypt.

At bigla mong maririnig ang isa sa mga kaibigan mo, "Ganyan talaga pag in-love." May background pang mga palihim na tawa. At sabay-sabay silang kakanta ng --- Why do birds suddenly appear.

Di ka makakapagsalita. Mararamdaman mong umiinit yung tenga mo, yung leeg mo, yung mukha mo. Bigla mong maiisip ang pinakaepektibong palusot, ngingiti at magsasalita, "Sino yon?"

Ayos na sana, kaso di mo naisip na mali yung statement mo. At bago mo pa mabawi ang sinabi mo, sasabihin na nila, "Baket? Me sinabe bang pangalan??? Yak!! Halata!!!"

Feeling mo masusunog na sa init yung mukha mo. Kahit anong pilit mong kalimutan siya, mabilis talagang kumalat ang balita. Minsan naglalakad ka. May masasalubong kang dalawang taong di mo kilala. sila. Titingnan ka, mula ulo hanggang paa, at maririnig mo ang isang bulong: "Yan ba?"

Grabe, ang ganda na naman ng araw mo.

Di mo na lang papansinin. Kahit nakikilala mo na sila. Isang araw naman nakikipagkwentuhan ka sa isang ka-block mo. Gwapo. Niloloko mo pa nga tong taong to na siya na ang pinakagwapong taong nakita mo sa personal. Hehe, tawa nya. Ang saya-saya mo, biglang may dadaan sa likod mo na dalawang taong di sinasadyang naging pamilyar na sayo. Lumingon ka, at pagtalikod mo, nagsalita ang isa: "Pinagpapantasyahan e no." Sasagot ang isa pa, "Oo nga."

Oh hindee!!! Anong nagawa mo??

Titigil ka na sa pakikipagkwentuhan. Aalis ka na lang na punung-puno ng sama ng loob.

Naaasar ka sa lahat ng tao. Bakit kailangang pakialaman ang buhay ng taong ni hindi nila kilala? Bakit kailangang pagtawanan at ipagkalat ang mga bagay na di na dapat pinag-uusapan? Marami pang version yung mga naririnig mo sa kanila. Minsan ganito, "Siya yun." O kaya, "Ows? Yan yon?" Hayop. Marathon eavesdropper ka kase.

Kahit ikaw mandidiri sa iniisip mo.

At matapos mong malaman ang lahat ng bagay tungkol sa kanya, kahit yung nilihim nya at nalaman mo lang nung tapos na, naisip mong kalimutan na lang talaga siya.

One time nakipag-chat ka.

musta luvlyf?
meron b?
.wlang kwenta
ows? bkt? :(
basta. wla syang kwenta.
mahal mo?
huh?
mhl mo p rn un.
weh
honestly, mhl m p rn ba?
argh!
ewan
wlang kwenta pero mhl mo.
tsk tsk

Matitigilan ka. Tititigan mo yung monitor ng matagal.

am i ryt?
hey

Ita-type mo yung "gtg" nang di oras. May kasama pang "nys miting u" para di halatang nabwisit ka sa sinabi nya. Alt-F4. Disconnect. Shut down.

Asar na asar ka na talaga sa sarili mo. Di mo na gustong mag-teleport. Gusto mo na lang talagang ma-dissolve sa hangin.

Ikaw na ngayon ang nangangailangan ng advice. Pero walang kwenta lahat ng sinabi nila. "Kalimutan mo na siya." PAANO? "Wag ka kase magpapaapekto. Wag mo isipin yung sinasabi ng ibang tao." HA?!? ANG LABO!!! "Marami pang iba jan." EH SIYA NGA LANG EH!!! Aasarin ka pa kapag sinabi nilang, "Bakit di na lang si _____? Yihee. Okay naman siya ah." Ngek, ano yun, ganon lang kadali?

Nakatitig ka ngayon sa monitor. Pabalik-balik ka lang sa lyrics.com, sa CRS, at sa email composer mo. Nakakainis. Di mo na alam kung ano pa ang sasabihin mo.

Tama, bwisit sa buhay yang feelings na yan. May magtatanong pa, "Bakit mo ba yon mahal?" Wow pare, wala kang maisagot. Buti pa sa Math pwede kang manghula ng formula, pwede mong paglaruan ang solution mo. May partial points ka pa. Eh sa tanong na yon? Tsk tsk. Malabong mangyari yon.

At kung BS Love and Affection ang course mo, 'tol. mas mabuti pang mag-shift ka na lang sa BA Emotionlessness and Insensitivity habang maaga. Malamang magkita pa kayo don.

Paulit-ulit mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na wala ka na talagang pakialam sa kanya. Pero bakit pag nakikita mo siya, natitigilan ka pa rin? Minsan, kaibigan mo na yung nagsasabi sayo, "O, kala ko ba wala na?"

Tatawa ka na lang. Lalakasan mo para di mahalata yung teary eyes mo. Di ka na naman makakapagsalita. Litong-lito ka na. Di mo alam kung bakit nga ba ganon. Kung bakit ka apektado. Kung bakit nagbabago ang lahat pag nandiyan siya. Kung bakit gustung-gusto mo siyang bigyan ng nerve cells para maramdaman niya ang lahat. Lahat.

Ngayon, ipapadala mo to sa mga kaibigan mo, sa mga ka-block mo, at sa iba pang taong wala talagang pakialam sayo. Sa kanilang lahat, di mo alam kung sino talaga ang may tiyagang tapusin ang ganito kahabang senseless na mensahe. Di mo rin alam kung sino talaga ang mag-iisip para sayo. Di mo alam kung sino ang maaapektuhan.

Somehow, gusto mong ma-disconnect ka na lang bigla. Maubusan ng internet credits. Sabugan ng pc. Mag-brown-out. Biglang mag-collapse. Umiyak. Malunod. Maging ipis. Uminom ng Skele-Gro. Mabagsakan ng asteroid. Maglahong parang bula.

Kase, tama yung sinabi ng naka-chat mo. Sinasabi mong walang kwenta, pero mahal mo. . . . . . . .
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.... Sobra.

taken from PEYUPS

Nice Guys Finish Last

2008-05-01T12:43:00.002+08:00

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, Oh he’s hot or I want to have his children about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the worst end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, Why isn’t he paying attention to me? so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him even thought all she has won is an asshole. Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a listener you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a listener you cant do anything about it just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont come to her senses and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself because he has listened to it all...

taken from: PEYUPS

...im back!

2008-05-01T12:01:00.003+08:00

wahahaha... i was only a 2-day old blogger when i got an email from the blogger team... my blog site was identified as a SPAM BLOG (for definition, kindly just look it up through a search engine :P )... anywho... i appreciate the action... but it prevented me from doing entries for the past 2 days... **sigh**

but its good to be back... :)

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it's may 01 today here... it's labor day and it's even the fiesta in our barrio (small town rural girl :P)... and guess where i am spending the rest of my day? yep.. infront of the pc... in the office... haha! dont it just get better everyday? hahah! :) i asked achie if i could switch schedule with her so i can leave early... i'll be meeting up with buddy queenie and bestie jay later to check out some rashguards for this weekend's daytrip dive :)

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soo... i'll have a different entry for what i was feeling the past couple of days... tata...

"...everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake... and everybody's empty and everything is so messed up..."

...the one that got away...

2008-04-28T14:53:00.003+08:00

...have you, ever in your life, had a "one that got away"?

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In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

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...my letter of resignation...

2008-04-28T12:24:00.003+08:00

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,but that didn't bother you, because youdidn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair.

That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........

....."Tag! You're it."

"...after all this time, i never thought we'd be here... when my love for you is blind..."

...one of my sleepless nights...

2008-04-28T03:12:00.000+08:00

i havent been blogging for a long time now... havent had time... more often than not, id rather catch up some sleep than face the PC when i get home... id rather spend time with my friends chatting on the phone, go out on some out of town trips, late night gimmicks, than stay put in one corner, write down my thoughts, and reflect... and it's been a while since i did some reflecting alone...

i used to express my feelings and thought through poetries, short stories, and drawings... i believe that a pen is mightier than anything else (i wouldve typed "sword" but it's gonna sound like a cliche)... i am a very transparent person...but the mysteries in me, i rarely let people see... and i mean rare... probably because those are the things i myself dont understand... those are a mixture of emotions that i couldnt explain... and oftentimes, when i feel that way towards a person, it means that the person means a lot to me... be it a friend, a colleague, a stranger...

right now, it's one of those times when i can't sleep... but this time, my thoughts are all a blur... i had a training earlier today... left the house at around 5:30 in the morning... i came home at 4:30 PM and dozed off until ~11PM... that's probably one of the reasons why i still cant get a decent sleep at this time... but that isnt all there is to it... i know there's more... it's going to take more than a few hours of sleep to keep me up at this time (im physically tired, just so u know,, my limbs are killing me!)... weird eh?

right now... i want to know who i have become after my 2007 turmoil had passed... i had experienced the saddest, most depressing christmas and new year in my entire life... ive been hurt... i survived... ive learned my lessons... lost a few people in my life... gained more friends... became more mature (i hope...) and still trying to learn more about life... ive started a few more hobbies that ive been wanting to do... explored new places... fell out of love... fell in love...

and so... this ends my first ranting entry... i know it doesnt make sense... i know that when i start to read these entries again after a few years... im gonna laugh at it... btw, my previous blogsite was http://www.blurty.com/users/simply_kyute (if you're up to some reminisin'...)

...signing off...

"...keep bleeding... keep keep bleeding..."